The Bear's Prayer

Each Sunday of the season, we will be conducting services to review the events of Saturday previous to the Sunday on which we are holding services. As we approach the season we will be laying out the formalities of the service so each of you can become familiar. You are expected to have meditated deeply by the time the season starts (know they Steele), to attend service regularly once the season does start (don't worry, we're not passing a plate), and come with an open heart and mind (that you may not be led astray by the evil that bears the mark of the mouse).

At the begining of each service, we will all stand and say The Bear's Prayer

Our Bear, who art in Heaven,

Hallowed be thy Name.

Thy Championship come.

Thy will be done,

in Tuscaloosa as it was in Birmingham.

Give us this week our weekly win,

And forgive us our penalties,

As we forgive those who penalize against us.

And lead us not into probation;

But deliver us from the NCAA.

For thine is the Program, and the power, and the glory,

Forever.

Amen.

The Season Cometh

For those of you who don't know, (let's face it, if you bother to read this there's little chance you don't already know), we here at the 'Vad have been in the process of relocating back to Tuscaloosa (you know, to more completely dedicate ourselves to the faith), so posting has been... well, non-existent.

That changes today. In preparation for the start of the Holy Season, we will be dispensing the sacraments of worship for Sunday services following each Saturday's festivities.

The first one (The Bear's Prayer) will follow shortly.

Prophet Saban speaks to unwashed, highly airbrushed masses in Destin

Among the aged duffers and ragged families running around the Land of Low-Lactose Milk and Honey Butter that is the SanDestin Beach Resort, the SEC is having a little meeting.

The Prophet chose to reply to recent charges by the Philistines in Miami that he may have violated NCAA rules on saying hello to recruits on alternate Tuesdays between April 15th and May 29th except in leap years... you get the point.

Meanwhile, reporters took the opportunity to ask about what color trunks he'll be wearing for the big fight with Leslie. Orson provides his own take on how it will go down. (Imagine explicit lyrics sticker here) We'll be waiting on the t-shirt so we can be properly attired for that special night in November.

There was other news about kickoff times and networks... nothing that will be important 1000 years from now.

Romans at the City Walls... again

Lo, the Romans are coming... again. As everyone in the Bamalite Nation knows by now, Prophet Saban talked to some people and now he's in trouble with the Romans again. Everyone seems pretty sure that none of us will be tossed to the lions this time. Fans of any SEC school (except for saTan's team, of course) should realize that just because most schools don't get in trouble for this sort of thing, doesn't mean they won't. Only the Football Gods know for now.

As it turns out, Saban isn't the only one who's been guilty of this sort of thing lately. Nobody wants to name names, but I'm sure the NCAA won't hesitate to cut this guy's tongue out if he refuses to speak.

For now, go in peace.

Kicking off and defending the South endzone...

Ok, we decided if we're going to do this thing right, we need to dedicate a whole blog to college football and leave the other one for the bitching. So here it is... your guide through the spiritual trials and tribulations that mark the South's leading religion: College Football.